It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!
by Varrica
Summary: Completely unlikely. Not a fluff. What happens when The Clown Prince of Crime meets one of the most insane people from our world? Easy. Peanut Butter Jelly Time. R&R please. . . I don't own this stuff...
1. Joker, meet Eim

**AUTHOR;**_ Ohai, guys. This was just an attempt at something different to what I was thinking of doing. I have time on my hands (maybe a little too much) and thought I'd do this. While I'm not sure how you guys will see it, I wanted to make it funny without taking The Joker out of character too much, as Heath made him more than I've ever seen him before (I'm an odd, obsessive Batman fan. oo). Anyway. I'm planning it to be a one-shot but if you TRUELY want me to continue, tell me and I'll see what I can do. But don't say it unless you want it gone further. XD  
Anyway... Enjoy. (:_

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The air was heavy with the humidity that laced the chilly, wet air

The air was heavy with the humidity that laced the chilly, wet air. The police officer's shoes sloshed quietly on the sodden walkway as he held his gun tightly at the ready, his breath short and nervous. He was scared that the sound of his rapidly beating heart was loud enough to give him away, as he stalked an allegedly dangerous criminal. Several calls in the past hour had alerted the Richmond police station of an oddly dressed man in clown makeup that had threatened various citizens at knifepoint. He had already had an altercation with this fellow, where the two exchanged words before the strange man took off down the road, causing the officer to reluctantly follow after him in the hopes of arresting him. The officer was scared however, he was a rookie and the voice of this stranger was creepy enough to make him think of turning back in defeat.

Suddenly a piercing pain stabbed the center of the officer's back and he reeled around, but not before a blade was thrust through his neck sending crimson fluids down the front of the officer's shirt. He only had time to catch a glimpse of the man's face which would have stopped his heart if it was not already experiencing turmoil from the wounds. The stranger's mouth was twisted in a sadistic grin, which was extended by two scars on each side of the man's mouth. The lips and the scars were covered in a bright red lipstick while white makeup covered the entire of his face. His eyes were rimmed black and they were the last things the officer saw before he sunk to the ground, gurgling through his last breaths before he at last was still.

The stranger looked down upon the man as he narrowed his eyes. "Hmm… Two… _up-ah tight_ to be funnnnn…" he mused, before he turned on his heal and walked away with a slight bounce in his step; looking for a new activity.

--

The following day at the local high school, a year ten class was proceeding to… attempt a test. However due to one of the students the rest of the classmates were hindered in their ability to try to do their best.

Crack, crack Went the girl's neck as she moved her head side-to side.

"Um… Eim… can you please stop that? It's distracting the other students." Her teacher, Ms.Hallow asked.

"But I'm FINEEEESHED!" she whined back.

"Well let's see…" Ms.Hallow said, making her way to Eim's desk to check.

"NO CHEATING!" Eim screamed, diving over her desk in an attempt to snatch up her paper.

Instead she went flying forward, toppling over the edge and ending up with her head underneath the chair of the person that sat in front of her.

The teacher began to rush over to Eim, attempting to see if she was okay. "Eim! Are yo-" but was cut off by a dreamy Eim.

"Eimmy isn't in right now… Leave a message… BEEEEEEEEEP."

The entire class was now completely off topic and the one in the chair which Eim was under rolled his eyes while he let off a rather large fart.

"Oh bitch no…" Eim gasped.

She flung the chair over, sending the student to the ground. He was stuck under one of the legs of the other chairs and as he struggled to get up, Eim pounced on him and held his head down. What followed was an attack of wet-willies and the theft of his shoes. Eim proceeded to prance out of the room, swinging the stolen shoes from the laces as she opened the door.

SMACK!

The shoes collided with a face on the other side of the door and as Eim brought them down she noticed that there was white and red smudges on them.

"That-uh was not… very… _nice…_" the man with the clown makeup sneered, narrowing his eyes down at Eim.

He grabbed the shoes and threw them across the corridor behind him and they fell out an open window, to the ground below.

"Thaaaaaat was not very… NICE." Eim squealed in the man's face.

He narrowed his eyes even further before his hardened reply sent her backwards (and it wasn't just the force of his body moving forward in a threatening motion), "I am the… Joker-ah… and I can dooo… _whateverrrrrr…_ I want-uh.."

His voice quivered with annoyance and in his mind he desperately wanted to shank this girl to oblivion. But no… it was too soon. All he wanted was some fun in a random building with random people before he had to go back to the familiar scene of Gotham City. If he could find his way back, that is.

Eim simply let out a loud, long slurping noise and jumped forward, licking the side of The Joker's face.

The Joker let out a gurgling sound before pushing Eim over the table behind her, whipping out his smallest blade and moving towards her, quickly. He thrust the blade at her face, wanting to get this over with but at the last moment, she caught it in her teeth.

"Didn't your mother tell you not to play with knives?" she attempted to ask, but since there was the fact that The Joker's blade was between her teeth (No, readers you are NOT allowed to get dirty mental images from that), made it sound more like "Duh'int yoaw mov'ah tew oo' aught oo' quay wi' knoives?"

The Joker maneuvered the blade so that it was right beside her lip "Speaking of motherszz-uh… would you like to know… how I got these scarsss?" he hissed in her ear.

Her eyes moved to the left in her eye sockets, noticing the time on the clock, then to the right noticing that her fellow students had scrambled to the back of the classroom in the fear of The Joker. Trust herself to get in a situation like this.. not like she could help it anyway, with her constant high moods.

In a second she had somersaulted backwards, wrenching the knife from her lip, which caused a small cut to appear there. She jumped up and did a small jig.

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTAH JELLEH TIME! PEANUT BUTTUH JELLEH TIME!" she grooved in her own moment before opening her eyes again, and noticing that no one moved towards her. Everyone was just about sure that she was as crazy as the knife-wielding maniac in the room, _especially_ the knife-wielding maniac.

Quickly, Eim skittered out of the room, slamming the door behind her and she ran down the corridor only to stop half way when she heard a click.

The Joker had locked the door to the classroom.

"Shit" she mouthed, as she hesitated. The people in there were her friends, and had been for four years. Or almost, anyway. But she wasn't perfect, and all though she put herself on the spot a lot, she was far from brave.

The classroom door wrenched open, and The Joker peeked out. "Care to uh… join uss?" he offered.

Eim placed both hands up and gave a little laugh, backing up, "Naw… I'll be fine… Gotta poop."

Eim then skittered out the corridor's door and away from the clown.

"I hate clowns…" she whined as she walked aimlessly around the school. "HEY! NACHO DAY! GONNA BE FIRST IN LINE AT THE CANTEEN. FUCK YES!" she screamed, and skipped her way to the canteen. "Yay… peanut butter jelleh time!"

_Yeah.. see I'm not sure how well that went. In my opinion it wasn't my best OR funniest I could have come up with but I have no idea... I'm just pulling crap out of my ass. Any type of reviews are more than welcome. If I suck, tell me. DO EET. And if you like it, swell. ;D_

_x.Eimmy_


	2. Listen to me, now

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AN:

** Well, guys. I updated. Looks like it won't be a one shot after all. However I won't continue unless people ask for it. I mean, what's the sense in continuing what no one likes? Anyway, if you have suggestions I'm always glad to hear them, gimme a shout. And thankyou for all those awesome reviews. Onto the next installment…**

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Eim skipped her way to the canteen, set on being first in line for Nacho Day. Back in the classroom of course, The Joker was having fun with Eim's friends and enemies in a rather unpleasant way.

As Eim entered the canteen, a perfect smell of warm corn chips and spicy cheese sauces drifted their way into her senses. She danced up to the first window and as a lady made her appearance she squealed in delight. She would finally get those orgasmic foods!

"Hola!" Eim cried in delight.

"Isn't that Spanish..?" the lady replied.

"Yes! But the lovely places that the Spanish language comes from also supplies us with those lovely nachos you're making! And even enchiladas and French-fries!"

"French fries are American, I think…"

"No! They're French you silly!"

"…Weren't you just arguing that French-fries came from south America?"

"Why would they come from there, silly?" Eim concluded, making the lady become somewhat confused.

The lady just stood there, confused and devoid of thought. She screamed in fright when Eim launched herself onto the counter, and holding onto the bars that covered the canteen windows.

"GIMME MY OMNOMNOMS!" Eim cried.

"Your what?"

"NOMNOMNOM… nachooooos…" Eim replied, drool seeping from her mouth and making it's way down her front.

To the lady she resembled a mad dog, and she slowly made her way to the back of the canteen to fetch the freshly made nachos.

When she came back and gave Eim the nachos, Eim scooped up the box and danced away singing, "NACHOOOO OHHH BABY NACHOOO!"

" 'Scuse me…. Aren't you going to pay for those?" the lady called after her.

The sound of Eim's nacho song made her way into the distance as she danced away with the nachos, never looking back

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Back in Eim's classroom, Ms. Hallow was trying to keep The Joker away from the fat kid named Jacob.

"C'_uhhh_ mon, now… I just want to give the kid _ah.._ little… lypo-suction…" The Joker said, raising his arms in innocence. He eyed the kid with a type of hunger while licking his bottom lip.

Jacob trembled behind Ms. Hallow and was sweating profusely. Ms. Hallow stood protectively in front of the child, even though she was terrified of this make-up clad man with a knife.

A knock came on the door, and the Joker hissed with an intake of breath in pure annoyance. He moved to the door, crouched over and moving in impatient jerky movements. The Joker wrenched open the door and before he knew it, a box full of a hot cheesy liquid was thrust upon his face.

On the other side of the door stood Eim, shocked and appearing to be close to tears. The Joker's face (or as much as you could see from below the cheese) was cloaked in rage, and a deep growl sounded out from behind his clenched teeth.

The Joker thrust his arm forward and wrapped his digits around Eim's pale, slim throat, gripping it tightly.

"Not.._uh…_ nicee…" he hissed.

Eim's eyes brimmed over in tears and The Joker was shocked himself in her actions; he hadn't even done anything to her yet.

"M-m-m-my nachooos…" Eim wailed, evidently grieving over her long awaited snack, which was now all over the floor and The Joker's face.

In a quick and swift movement Eim jumped forward, latching herself onto the Joker's body, even with his hand still around her throat. She reached up and picked off a chip, placing it in her mouth.

"Nomnomnomnomnom…"

"Ugh… Get… _off_ meee…" The Joker hissed in a low voice, close to a deep growl.

"But you taste so good…" whined Eim.

With his hand that was around her throat, she tossed her with all his strength, and Eim went flying across the room. Eim crashed into Jacob and she landed with a soft –plop!-

"Awh.. YAY!" Eim squealed, jumping, turning and giving Jacob a hug. "Thanks fat boy!"

Jacob jugged Eim back, mistaking her actions for affection.

Eim screamed at the top of her lungs; a shrill, bloodcurling scream.

"SHIT! SHIT! FAT BOY IS GONNA EAT ME… HAAAAALP" she pleaded, screaming in between every few words.

The Joker was getting a headache from all her noise and annoyed, he stepped forward and backhanded her. This sent Eim flying away from Jacob and to slump against the wall. For the first time Eim was quiet and stared warily at The Joker's face.

For a moment, the Joker looked down at the girl and she seemed almost intelligent. He doubted this deeply of course and thought that his next few actions would be fun. He could do all he wanted to a room full of stupid, wimpy kids and an old lady.

Playing with his switchblade, he paced the room, staring menacingly at the students when he could.

"Now.. _uhh…_ children…" he growled. "We're going to have a little…_funnn…_"

Eim suppressed a squeal, her head hurt from the smack and she didn't feel like screaming her favourite fun song.

Turning back to the students, he gestured at each of them with the blade.

"Now you're all going to do what-_uhh.._ I say…" he said, with the grimmest smile he could muster and he advanced upon the kids.

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**AN:**** Yeah.. cliffhanger.. review saying you want more if you really do. This chapter wasn't as good as I'd have been able to make it, as I didn't really have many ideas for this bit. It's a bit shorter than I could've done too… But if people like it I'll continue… that's it I suppose… Anyway, thanks for reading.**


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